Monday, October 28, 2013

Updates and rambles.


I've been swimming in words lately, lapping them up every chance I get. Audio books on the way to work. Reading and writing at work. More audio books on the way home. Reading books about words. Books about books. I absolutely love it. But putting my own thoughts down, letting them trickle out here and there, well that has been rather impossible lately.

It's most likely because I don't want to be alone with my own words. My words and thoughts that are scratching and clawing, ravaging to get out. Meanwhile shaking up all my thoughts and shattering the sentences I had perfectly constructed in my mind, ready to compose here.

So here they are. In all their shook-up glory. Perhaps it's best if I just update you as best I can with the words I have to offer you today...

I started a new job. I love it. I'm a copywriter. I get to be creative all day long and collaborate with brilliant creatives and allow the buzz in the air -- the kind of buzz you feel in a newsroom, or perhaps a science lab, anywhere ideas are coming to life -- to fuel my soul. It's the kind of job I dreamt of having. And here I am. Blessed.

I'm in Kansas City, close to family, friends, and the world's greatest BBQ. I've got no gripes on that front (though I ache endlessly for my Munich). But here's where I am. Right now. Where God had me scheduled to be. On his own timetable.

But, of course, things are complicated. I've started accepting that unconventional routes are my soul's favorite and that, so far, they've led me to wonderful adventures. This route is a bit more familiar, but nonetheless new and allowing for so much growth to be had.

And, last but not least, there's a boy. (There's always a boy, it seems.) No, I take that back. There's a man. I say man because he differs so much from the boys of my relationships past. But he's far away from me (for now) and I'm far away from him (for now) so it makes it a bit more complicated. Where it'll lead, well, who knows? But I pray somewhere great; somewhere wonderful. All in time, I suppose.

Besides having this song on repeat, I'm just taking it one day at a time. That's all a gal can do, after all.

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Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.
—  Alice Walker, Living by the Word
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{Quote of the Week.}

You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.-Miriam Adeney
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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

{Quote of the Week.}


Everybody dies, but so few truly live. I am choosing to be one of those few. I am choosing to be wild, to be free, to wake up each morning and grab life with both hands. I am choosing to explore the world in all of its beauty. I am choosing to surrender to life, to love, to laughter, to friendship. I am choosing to let go of the past and stop worrying about the future. I am choosing freedom. I am choosing to live.-unknown.

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Sunday, October 20, 2013

With a little help from friends.


A few weeks ago I received an email from a dear reader who was going through a heartbreak. She asked me for advice--which is beyond flattering--and this is the reply I came up with (after many drafts). I hope it helped her, I know that it managed to helped me.

Dearest darling, 
First of all, a big BIG hug to you. This heartache your feeling is raw, and you're such a tender soul right now. Take a second to breath, and know that you are SO loved by so many people. You got that, sister? Ok? Ok. :) 
Secondly, oh boys. And I say boys because I dated someone who sounds crazy similar to your boy -- and that's exactly how they behaved -- like boys. But we accept it, because we think they will turn into men sooner than later and the sad part is, sometimes they take years! Or never even grow up! But you can't let him stop YOUR growing because of his own issues.
Oh the being in a happier place than your significant other. Such a situation I have found myself in, as well. It's hard, because you and I are caring, encouraging people. We see them and think: Hey! You're doing great! Keep climbing! And they see us and hear: Oh hurry up! What's taking so long! Which is not at all what we mean. But again, they are boys who don't think like logical men.  
This may be the hardest part of all, but I am telling you this from the side of the heartbroken: cut off all communication. Hide his Facebook updates, delete his number from your phone, and try and explain to your friends that  you need to be away from him until you feel better.  In my humble opinion staying friends so fresh after a breakup never, ever works. With two of my exes--both of which I was head-over-heels--they responded to none of my reaching out to them after the breakup. I found this to be cruel cruel cruel. But, three years later, I saw one of them and thanked him for this time of healing. I THANKED HIM! Because he knew that it would just drag the process out longer.  It's like ripping off a band-aid. You either do it slowly and feel every singe of pain for each individual piece,  or you rip that puppy off and get it over with! I highly recommend the latter. 
I also want to point out that when things get serious, it terrifies boys, because they aren't used to feeling such strong emotions! So, to protect themselves, I am of the opinion that they run from anything to keep themselves from getting hurt. But this is not your fault, nor is it mine. It's just the nature of the beast. 
Take some time for you, let him see that if he really wants space, you'll give it to him, and let him see that the pain of losing you isn't worth it! And, if he still is scared, he's not the one for you. You know that saying "let it go, if it comes back, it's yours; if not, it never was?" I find that to be quite true sometimes.  
I know you and he have a love that is between you two. It will always be there. And it will always be unique to you two. That's the best part about love, there's never the same love twice, so you'll always be in each other's hearts! 
I hope this helps a bit, dear friend. I know this is very hard to believe, but your heart will heal. It really will! And you'll be stronger for it. But in the meantime, embrace your emotions. Please don't drink them away, because that only turns them into monsters. And love, eat, and stay healthy. That is so hard to do--ask my friends and they'd tell ya I'm the worst when it comes to these things--but please do. Take a shower everyday and buy yourself a fantastic new nail polish or lipstick. One that reminds you every time you see it that you're healing!  
So much love to you and don't hesitate if you need to talk!
Big hugs!

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And if you need to talk, I'm always here, dear readers.
After all, we're all in this together. 

xoxo

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Monday, October 14, 2013

{Quote of the Week.}

What I really mean to say is that I hope you aren’t held back because of a number. And that you don’t rush into things because it feels like time is slipping by. I hope you do what’s right for you. Hold on. Slow down. And breathe in. Your age is your age. But more importantly, your life is your life. Don’t change your journey so that it matches someone else’s. We need to walk different paths so the whole world can be explored. Revel in the differences. And enjoy where you are. - Jessica of 'Today Was Meaningful'

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Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Push on.


I arrived back in the States last week and while it's been wonderful reuniting with those I love here, I have probably never cried so much in my life as I did last week.

But all in but the time of a week so much has started changing, things are looking up. So I really, truly, honestly want to say to those of us hurting, don't give up. Please, please, believe that with time things will get better. Don't you dare give up. Push on, love.

If I can do it, my God, so can you.




P.S.. Oktoberfest photos to come, promise. xx



People always say that it hurts at night
and apparently screaming into your pillow at 3am
is the romantic equivalent of being heartbroken.
But sometimes
it’s 9am on a tuesday morning
and you’re standing at the kitchen bench waiting for the toast to pop up

 
And the smell of dusty sunlight and earl gray tea makes you miss him so much
you don’t know what to do with your hands.

— Rosie Scanlan, “On Missing Them”
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Monday, October 7, 2013

{Quote of the Week.}


“Her heart sank into her shoes as she realized at last how much she wanted him. No matter what his past was, no matter what he had done. Which was not to say that she would ever let him know, but only that he moved her chemically more than anyone she had ever met, that all other men seemed pale beside him.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald, A New Leaf
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Wednesday, October 2, 2013

{Quote of the Week.}

"Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark." - N’tima 

(Just something I think I'll keep on file. Such a great reminder.)
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