I've been swimming in words lately, lapping them up every chance I get. Audio books on the way to work. Reading and writing at work. More audio books on the way home. Reading books about words. Books about books. I absolutely love it. But putting my own thoughts down, letting them trickle out here and there, well that has been rather impossible lately.
It's most likely because I don't want to be alone with my own words. My words and thoughts that are scratching and clawing, ravaging to get out. Meanwhile shaking up all my thoughts and shattering the sentences I had perfectly constructed in my mind, ready to compose here.
So here they are. In all their shook-up glory. Perhaps it's best if I just update you as best I can with the words I have to offer you today...
I started a new job. I love it. I'm a copywriter. I get to be creative all day long and collaborate with brilliant creatives and allow the buzz in the air -- the kind of buzz you feel in a newsroom, or perhaps a science lab, anywhere ideas are coming to life -- to fuel my soul. It's the kind of job I dreamt of having. And here I am. Blessed.
I'm in Kansas City, close to family, friends, and the world's greatest BBQ. I've got no gripes on that front (though I ache endlessly for my Munich). But here's where I am. Right now. Where God had me scheduled to be. On his own timetable.
But, of course, things are complicated. I've started accepting that unconventional routes are my soul's favorite and that, so far, they've led me to wonderful adventures. This route is a bit more familiar, but nonetheless new and allowing for so much growth to be had.
And, last but not least, there's a boy. (There's always a boy, it seems.) No, I take that back. There's a man. I say man because he differs so much from the boys of my relationships past. But he's far away from me (for now) and I'm far away from him (for now) so it makes it a bit more complicated. Where it'll lead, well, who knows? But I pray somewhere great; somewhere wonderful. All in time, I suppose.
Besides having this song on repeat, I'm just taking it one day at a time. That's all a gal can do, after all.
“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next
should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in
those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next
phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the
personality is about to be revealed.”
|—||Alice Walker, Living by the Word|