I'm back in Munich. Yes, it's true. I'm just as confused by it all as you are. Well, that may be an exaggeration, but you know what I mean. ;)
The day before I left Munich in April, to return back home, I was offered a job in France. I was giddy and accepted. (Though completely nervous about the fact I speak no French.) I was also happy it was in France because during that time, Munich was a reminder of so much heartbreak, so I was prepared to turn down the job if offered, because I expected it to be in Munich.
And then, after a few weeks home, a few weeks of healing my broken heart, I received a phone call. "Would you be alright if we switched the offer to our Munich branch?" they asked.
And, before I could think, the words "Yes, of course!" came barreling out in one breath. I hung up the phone before I managed to realize what I had just said and told my family with a pit in my stomach. They were so happy for me. And, turns out, relieved that I would return to somewhere I have friends and speak the language. They rallied around me and convinced me that this was what I am being called to do. This is where I'm meant to be right now.
I believe things truly do happen the way God plans for us. I also believe that if you go with these things, no matter how confused or scared or unsure you are, let things naturally unfold, good things happen. God's plan for us is far better than we can imagine, so let him write your story for a while. Hand over the reins. He tends to steer us to beautiful places. (Like the time I went to au pair and ended up in a crazy family, but found my Northern Germany family and that's exactly what they have become to me; my family.)
So it dawned on me, I am so happy they offered me the job in France first, because I would have turned it down had it been in Munich. But now that my heart has become a bit sturdier, I am ready to be back. I am OK with starting a new chapter here.
And, less than two months later, here I am.
I'd be lying if I said it isn't a bit bittersweet. I passed by where I'd always meet my past love, our home-base. It shook me up. It made my knees weak, and for a moment I thought about turning right around and sprinting back home. But I didn't. I held my shoulders back and my head up a little bit more and kept walking. As tears stung my eyes, I was praying for courage and praying for comfort. I wanted to erase these things, but that's impossible, no matter how much I try.
It's scary. And exciting. And a hundred other emotions plus a few hundred more for which words have not yet been given.
But as I mentioned before, it's a new chapter, (maybe a novel). A new chapter and this is what God had up his sleeve. And that's what matters, because I figured Munich was a long way off (but I wear tee-shirts, so clearly I'm not as sure about what's up my sleeves).
I may get a bit sappy on here, more than usual even (!), so I apologize in advance. And, to be honest, hand to Heaven, I knew I could face this new adventure head on, no matter how bittersweet, because of your all's support.
I'd hate for anyone to pass up an opportunity out of fear, so here I am. Facing my fear head on, trying to inspire those who have been hurt, or scared.
Because you know what? I'm terrified.
I'm terrified but I'm here.
God circled on a map for you.
Wherever your eyes and arms and heart can move
Against the earth and the sky,
The Beloved has bowed there -
Our beloved has bowed there knowing
You were coming.
I could tell you a priceless secret about
Your real worth, dear pilgrim,
But any unkindness to yourself,
Any confusion about others,
Will keep one
From accepting the grace, the love,
The sublime freedom
Divine knowledge always offers to you.
Never mind, Hafiz, about
The great requirements this path demands
Of the wayfarers,
For your soul is too full of wine tonight
To withhold the wondrous Truth from this world.
But because I am so clever and generous,
I have already clearly woven a resplendent lock
Of his tresses
As a remarkable truth and gift
In this poem for you.