[Munich. December 21, 2012.]
This isn't what I expected--but when, really, is anything the way we expect it to be?--it's been possibly one of the most frustrating, confusing, lonely, invigorating, edge-of-the-seat exciting times of my life.
It's been... hard.
I didn't expect to fall so hard, so fast. I didn't expect to be crushed harder than ever before. I didn't expect to feel so lost among crowds of other people's families, lovers, friends. I didn't expect it to be December and be among nothing of the sort.
But I am. And it's tough. Yet, I can't help but think this will pass. This lonely chapter of my life will be something I simply look back on and sigh heavily while thoughts of "how did I get through that" go through my head.
Most of all, I can't wait until I'm able to say, "I'd do it all again, if was meant to bring me to you."
And today, after a stunning man locked eyes with me on the subway causing butterflies in my stomach to re-emerge from their frozen cocoon, I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
It was back.
My heart is healing, becoming even more prepared to love when the time is right--with the one that's right.
Yes, it's healing.
"She believed a great happiness awaited her somewhere, and for this reason she remained calm as the days flew by."-Gyula Krudy