Wednesday, February 22, 2012

February blues.

February is a tough month in my book. it's the time of the semester when it all becomes a routine and you can barely see the light at the end of the tunnel. it becomes especially daunting in your senior (plus) year of university. because at the end of this school year you won't be faced with a summer full of waiting and wishing for your friends to get back into town and getting your fall classes in order. this is the year it gets real. you are scrambling to write resumes, arrange meetings, finish projects, and paperwork out the wazoo. to say it's a bit terrifying would be the understatement of the year.

i have a terrible flaw. many flaws. but one particularly awful one. when i get overwhelmed with anything, i become a recluse. i shy away into my room and come out for food. i can't manage to get out and socialize with my friends, the ones who expect me to be heaps of fun. no, i rather sit in my room and lose track of time reading, watching tv, and trying to distance myself far from reality. it's an awful trait. one i try and work on daily. but this winter it's a ritual that has become quite familiar to me. i think the reason being a multitude of things, one of those things being the fact i miss my family in Germany heaps.

but i try and do the hour-by-hour trick, you know, where you just focus on getting through the day, bit-by-bit. i try to keep things in perspective, and i'm trying to change some habits. (like my unhealthy reliance on sugar.)

i'm approaching these changes with baby steps, and hope to really get a grip on these fears and anxiety-ridden thoughts soon.

because other than being unbelievably frustrating, this state i'm in is exhausting beyond words.
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  1. I've only commented once before, but have been following your beautiful blog for some time. Speaking as a person who has gone through exactly what you have just described as have so many others; anxiety is a monster, but you are stronger. I know you know this, and that it is so excruciatingly exhausting, but you're not alone. Sending you love from across the pond in Ireland.
    p.s your lovely messages here got me through some really dark and exhausting times :)

  2. Sadie, thank you so much for taking the time to help put things into perspective for me. You are so right, anxiety is a monster, but knowing rad, strong, fierce people like you have slayed that monster, well that makes me feel a bit more brave. Thank you, a thousand times and more.

    Big love to you in Ireland. What a wonderful country. I can't wait to visit there someday! (which, of course, would entail a cup of tea with you!)


  3. Anna, this is a beautiful post and I relate to it so much. I find that when times are tough, I also flee from reality and dive deeper into fiction---the kind in books, the kind in my own head. It's odd because I embrace the fact that I'm an extrovert but maybe there's a little of everything in all of us. One thing I struggle with is forcing myself to be social, get out of my rut. It becomes a slippery slope after awhile but at the end of the day, I remember that there's nothing wrong with living days on your own terms, whether that's in solitude or company.

  4. Anna,
    Just wanted to comment and tell you you’re not alone, I can completely relate to the anxiety that you talk about. I have never been so uncertain n my life before. I can remember a time when I couldn’t wait to be in my twenties and have everything figured out. Well here are my twenties and all i have never been so uncertain in my life. I constantly struggle with all the what ifs. It seems like every decision we make can drastically alter our future, (which is a daunting thought in its own). But I think with baby steps all will fall into place. I have turned to your blog many times find some very inspiring quotes, or to see that I'm not the only one with the blues sometimes. Your blogs, ( i love everything lovely too) are wonderful and I truly enjoy them. Thank you for the time you out into them. Sending you all the sunny skies Southern Cali has to offer...

  5. Ack! I wrote a whole post about my sugar detox a couple of weeks ago...highly recommended. It totally snapped me out of a case of winter, just general blues actually.

    February's almost over, and everything seems better in the spring, right? =)

  6. I do the exact same things when life gets a little too overwhelming. This month, especially. I've been reading your blog for a while and just wanted to say that it's one of my favourites and that you're definitely not alone!

  7. All of your comments have made me realize i'm not alone. It always looks like everyone else peachy, when really so many of us struggle with these things. I think it's so great to have people to stand with you when you're down, and you have to let people know you need help, in order for them to be able to help you. Thank you for helping me out. It means so much, and I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends like you all.

    Big love to you all & let's fight these winter blues together!

  8. my favorite german teacher always advised us to live our lives 7 minutes at a time, especially when it comes to tackling a task we don't want to do. seriously, it changed my life. you've got this more under control than you know, anna dear! and i'm excited for our Skype date!

  9. Good grief, I do the exact same thing. My room is its own sort of safe haven where I can pretend things don't happen outside of it.


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