Tuesday, December 14, 2010

day two: heartbreak.

to be perfectly honest, this past semester has been rough.  not necessarily because of ample amounts of homework or even trying to keep up with four jobs.  nope.  i would rather slay those dragons head on any day than have to deal with heartbreak. 

heartbreak is the pits.

& I've had some trepidation about whether or not to blog about my recent heartache. because one weird thing about blogs- it's all archived.  all the happy moments before the break-up & moments like right now. so even whenever you try & move along, you catch yourself peeking back at those moments. moments you never imagined would make you cry. but you do it anyway, because being brave is something you admire in others & long to be yourself.
so here it goes, Loves.

last semester i dated a boy.  he was charming & happy & we had a blast together. i came to really, really care about this boy.  i loved our adventures together & i simply adore his family. & honestly, i still care about him & his family. a lot.

but then it happens.  you drift apart & you realize your lives are headed in remarkably different directions.  as much as it breaks your heart & makes you dizzy all at once, you try & accept it's for the best.

but this semester. holy moly. i have had some rough days trying to believe it's for the best.

break-ups are flippin' weird.  you go from being best friends with a person to absolutely never speaking again.  how does that even make sense?  

i guess it doesn't.  

but who ever said Love made sense? 

i must say that as much as it killed me, breaking-up before the semester began made creating my own semester routine a little bit easier. it was kind of a fresh start, of sorts. 

but snap, crackle, pop was it hard.

but much to my surprise i got into a new groove.

i came out from under my duvet to find the same beautiful world that had always been there - boy or not.  

there was so much happiness to experience in this past semester. i began to grow & learn so much about myself

& i straight-up forced myself to accept some things:
- when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
- your friends see through a lot of the crap.
- your sisters do, too.
- don't become a doormat.  people love a good doormat.
- respect. (yourself, others, just as much as others should respect you.)
- you can still care & miss him at times, but as the ever so wise Elizabth Gilbert put it: “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it."
- love will come.
- but don't rush it.
- because it's on its way, waiting to arrive at the most perfect of times.
- just because you broke-up doesn't make the happiness you had with the person any less real. that happiness was so real.
- never allow your heart to refuse Love.  Love helps you heal.  & so many people Love you.
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  1. girl, you are such a lovely breath of fresh air. one that any lucky boy would happily breathe up any day! if that makes any sense?! im a bit delusional due to my own work schedule as well,

    ...but i love this post. so much. i'd love to see more of your writing, talented lady!

  2. Hi Anna. I just realized that it has been a LONG time since I've visited these parts and left you a message. I'm sorry, hun.

    And I'm sorry to hear about your rough semester of dealing with heartbreak. I have been there -- been in many rough semesters of dealing with heartbreak. You are such a wise, courageous, beautiful soul, who pulled some amazing, mature lessons out of your struggle. Those trinkets will serve you well; believe them and hold onto them.

    Sending hugs and good wishes for finals!

  3. aww sweetie, I feel for you. i know what heartache is like and yeah, its just the pits. but never ever give up on love, because its out there, waiting.

    hugs to you my friend.

  4. this was beautiful. bravo for posting it. i admire that kind of courage. i'm not sure i would ever be able to bring myself to do the same.

  5. I'm going through some of that as well Anna and reading this made me tear up a little bit. I hope you are feeling well and getting into a good groove. I'm struggling a bit at the moment as I have 6 weeks of holidays to kill before getting back into my work routine and it is hard without him around. All the best for your finals.

  6. I am so sorry that you are sad, break-ups are never easy. People may come and go, but they take little pieces of us with them, and we keep pieces of them with us. Memories are beautiful and heart-breaking at the same time.

    I am so glad that you have such a positive outlook on life. I absolutely love your acceptance list, it is wonderful, true and hopeful. I love this about your writing, it is so very uplifting.

    I know in time you will find your perfect soul mate. You are lovely.

  7. Hello! Yes, Love hurts. I think Philosophia said it best about you 'I know in time you will find your perfect soul mate. You are lovely.' I wholeheartedly agree.

  8. oh friend, this is like reading about myself!! first of all, finals will be over before you know it. if i can make it, you can definitely make it!

    second of all, oh boys, haha. i now find myself in a conundrum - the boy you have heard me blog about is now offering me the world and more, if i will give him another chance. and as heartbroken as i was, as much as i thought i would take him back in a split second because i thought that's what would make it go away - i find myself contemplating it over and over again. and i'm just not sure. i don't know that he is right for me anymore - i don't know if he is able to provide me with what i need.

    breakups do change a person. i can look back on everything now, and i don't feel the urge to cry. i can talk to him with a level head and feel GOOD about myself when i get off the phone. because i now KNOW what i want. and i know i am now competent enough to figure out if he can give me that, or if i am even willing to take that chance again.

    so just know, in the end, it does come full circle. i never thought it would, but it did. and ironically, it was the second that he first contacted me that i knew i would be okay. not because he had finally contacted me, but because hearing from him didn't make my heart drop & the tears fall like i thought it would.

    so remember what you learned from it, because everything you just said - so, so true.


  9. i absolutely love this post....and i almost want to print it out, put it on nice paper, and frame it. especially the last list. sooo true :)

    thank you!!

  10. this is one of the most special and beautiful things i have ever read in the blog-o-sphere. love, i totally understand where you are coming from. (: you are so strong, just so you know, and i'm working my way there too. and i love what E. Gilbert had written in her book. <3 it is love, this is love. you are love. you proved that eventhough it is so so hard, we can still work through it and see the light through the dark and know that with all hope and love, this too shall pass.
    keep putting smiles on yourself and others. (:

  11. Thanks for your honesty. I needed this today.

  12. Great post, friend.

    My mom says break ups are like deaths, because the one person you want to talk to most you suddenly just can't.

  13. Dear darling Anna. You have no idea what a courageous, inspirational, funny, remarkable, honest and most of all genuine person you are. Luckily we do :)
    Thank you so much for this post hun.

    ps: to know how much you are of all those things mentioned above just multiply what you think by ten and you might - might nearly reach it :)

  14. thank you for this. It helps me in my situation. Keep your strength girl!

  15. You're a strong girl my friend!!
    That list is very empowering.
    My long distance relationship ended right when the semester began and oh, boy!! I can relate with the heartache, I have never been so broken and unfocused during a semester. I thought I wasn't going to make it, thank God I did.

    I guess somethings happen for the best, at least that's the idea I'm trying to wrap around my head.



  16. oh, friend, i just adore you so.

    and what a gorgeous, hilarious, spunky & lovely catch he's now missing! ;)

  17. anna - I'm glad you shared this with us! Like michelle talked about earlier this week, being candid is a challenge to this semi-permanent and very open blog world we live in.

    my dad once told me "the best revenge is living well" . (not that you seek revenge on someone you used to care about ... but you get it). Live your life in the same, open hearted, way you always have.

  18. i went through (scratch that am still going through) a terrible heartbreak. there truly isn't anything that feels worse then losing love. but you are right about letting go. so so painfully right! :) good for you. and good luck with your healing. :)

  19. you all seriously made me so happy to have shared this with you. your comments mean the world. you. have. no. idea.

    to you with Love always!

  20. Thank you for this. My ex & I just broke up in October and some days, I feel like I'm finally OK & moving on. Then the next day, it's like it just happened & I can't do anything but cry over it. The hard times only make us stronger, right? :)

  21. Lisa, i totally feel ya. completely & utterly understand what you are describing.

    it gets a wee bit better everyday. i promise. but it is hard, nonetheless.

    big hugs to you strong girl ; ) .

  22. Really touchy article. I really like it!

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